she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
Randomize
