Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
protesters in toronto definately have the best pot
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
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