i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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