my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
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