I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
Randomize
