watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
Randomize
