so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
Randomize
