I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
Randomize
