??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
You can't special order awesome
why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
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