I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
he quoted the bible to break up with me
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
Randomize
