good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
Randomize
