i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
Randomize
