She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
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