The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
Randomize
