Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
Randomize
