Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
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