the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
Randomize