East Village: Only place you can play pac man while eating a pineapple hotdog, go to the bar next door and see a graphic blowjob on every tv
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
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