Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
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