I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
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