I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
can you sing with all the voices of the mountain? can you paint with al the colors of the windddd
wasted?
im pocohantasssss
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
sometimes you have to go after what you want
true. and i really want to cum
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
Randomize