I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
Randomize
