I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
i walked into the first stall,, but there was no paper, so i'm in the other one. a little kid is in the one without paper now and is making a lot of noise. curious how this'll turn out for him.
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
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