I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
Randomize
