Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
Randomize
