she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
so thats when we found her crawling hands and knees up first street singing hold me closer tony danza as loud as she could
did she say where she was going
apparently she thought she was on morton hill and was trying to go back to the bars
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
You're breaking my sexual little heart
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
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