A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
My ATM looks so different sober.
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
Randomize
