im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
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