Got a toothbrush?
Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
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