He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
Don't tell me you're on acid again
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
Randomize
