Need sex. Gaining weight.
what if every blade of grass was a penis?
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
Randomize
