Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
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