Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
He had to pee in the sink beside my head because the girl that I was taking care of was passed out on the toilet. To answer your question: yes i took a peek. Thats why we hooked up later.
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
Randomize
