Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
Randomize
