She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
Everclear isn't food dammit
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
Randomize
