burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
Randomize
