I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
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