his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
People in love make me want to vomit
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
Randomize
