I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
Randomize