those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
Randomize
