Please don't use social media to get back at me.
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
I would fuck him just for his dog
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
Randomize
