and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
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