I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
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