I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
Randomize
