you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
I am the oldest one here and I STILL feel like I need an adult. help.
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
Randomize
