This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
Randomize
