I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
Randomize