I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
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