TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
