i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
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