i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
you didnt know i had herpes?
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
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