ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
Randomize
