She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
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