watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
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