there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
Send help, water and tortillas.
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
Randomize
