I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
Randomize