I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
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