Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
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