i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
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