Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
if i can run in heels then i can drive
I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
Randomize
