Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize
