I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
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