Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
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