trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
she told me i tasted like america
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
Panties = found
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