My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize
