There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
Randomize
