He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
Randomize
