Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
spencer pratt says his family invinted chess
that kid is like the al gore of hollywood.
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
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