if you like me you must not know who I am
They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
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