as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
lol hangovers are for mortals.
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
Randomize
