Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
Crop dusting thru forever 21
Randomize
