so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
Randomize
