It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
Is that strawberry winking at me??
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