I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
Text. Mid BJ. 8 points.
I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
Randomize
