I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
Randomize
