he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
In other news, I just burned my penis
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
Randomize
