THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
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