I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
Randomize