Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
Randomize
