my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
he looks like a really good dad on facebook
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
Randomize
