are you still at the devil's house?
i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
I don't know, But i remember him licking ecstasy off my boobs and my boyfriend cheering him on
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
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