glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
Randomize
