Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
You're breaking my sexual little heart
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
Randomize
