from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
Randomize
