rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
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