I faked an abortion last night.
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
Randomize
