a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
Randomize
