is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
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