I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
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