I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
Randomize
