Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
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