Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
3pm strippers are depressing
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
Randomize
