she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
Randomize
