i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
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