wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
Randomize
