I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
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