I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
let's bang
You're in my phone as 'Weird Bus Guy' so I think my answer's no.
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
Randomize