K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
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