i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
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