In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
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