We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
Randomize
