God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
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