Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
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