also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
I stole a fireplace last night.
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
Do you think casino weekend will remind us once again that we in fact are not mature enough to be this old?
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
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