I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
Randomize
