and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
Randomize
