I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
IM INA KID IN KING ATURHTS CUNT!
A Kid In King Arthur's Court? Like the movie?
CUNT. CUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUNT
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
Randomize