What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
So my game is weak??
If your game is "Lets have sex, and maybe pizza" then yes.
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
Randomize
