Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
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