I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
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