he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
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