thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
Randomize
