Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
Randomize
