8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
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