You're my little dorito
Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
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