in my opinion joe jonas is kinda pointless. hes just the pretty boy front runner.
Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
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