Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
only you would photoshop your dick
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Randomize
