Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
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