I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
Randomize
