Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
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