So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
Randomize
