I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Randomize
